I think that Arizona trip really screwed me up. Well, at least the drive did. You’re basically forced to think about things you wouldn’t normally think about. It was all dealing with my personal life. More specifically, it was dealing with (for lack of a better term) the “significant other” aspect or the whole lack of one. Now don’t get me wrong. I think my personal life is fine. I’m surrounded by good friends. I live very comfortably. It’s this whole dating thing that’s getting to me. I mean it’s cool and all, but I think I may be ready to move past it. Maybe it will help if I quickly run down my reasons for dating in no particular order:
- Mystery & Excitement. Yeah, hanging with friends is cool, but it can get repetitive, especially with friends like mine. I mean I’m not all that exciting either, but it’s really the blind leading the blind when we get together. That’s why hanging with someone new every couple of days is good. It’s changes the pace up every once in a while and you don’t REALLY know what to expect from the other person.li>Sex (or sexual relations). This is really something that doesn’t need to be explained. Everyone wants it and casual dating is a great way to get it. As long as ya stay safe and keep some sort of morals, I think this is a great positive.li>Exposure & Discovery. Man I hate saying this word because I hear it way too much at work, but it’s probably the main reason for me to date. The more I’m exposed to, the closer I get to discovering what I really want and what I really don’t want.
Now the first 2 are still needed. They’ll always be needed during anytime of my life, whether it’s in a committed relationship or just casually dating around. Those reasons stay. Now the third. This one gets throw out all together. Why? Because I’ve accomplished everything I wanted to accomplish in this reason at this point in my life. I have a general idea of what I want and what I don’t want. There’s no more exposure needed because I’ve discovered all I want to right now. So what is it I do want? Well, here’s my general list of attributes (again, no particular order):
- Independent. Someone who doesn’t really need me in their life to move forward, just as I wouldn’t need them to continue on. Someone who can make their own decision and is not easily influenced by people.li>Sense of self worth. They trust themselves and respect their position in life.li>No baggage. This is a quick summary of the following: no kids, no just getting out of long term relationships, no previous marriages.li>Honest and up front. This one deals completely with communication. You need to know how to talk to me. I’m not a mind reader and I don’t do well with hints. Being brutally honest and up front with me works well because I think this is how I am and I respond the best when dealt with in this way.li>Goal oriented. There are certain goals in life and you need to know how you’re going to progress towards this. I tend to focus on career being a major goal and this automatically trims away at the younger girls because they are either trying to get through school or just f*cking off. I think I’m past both of those.li>Physically attractive. Let’s face it. I’m a beating short from looking like a irregular garden gnome or circus troll. I’m not going to lie though. This needs to be there or I’d be settling. The only people who don’t care about this are unattractive people. It’s almost a catch 22 for me.
Alright, now back to the main reason I’m posting. Why do I want to move beyond dating? It’s simple. My personal progress has stopped at this point. I’m not learning anything new and I’m not feeling anything from the dating thing. Relationships are good because they make you feel. Whether it’s good or bad, at least it helps you remember you’re alive. I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s so true. And even if it’s a negative experience, at least you’re learning something from it. I’ve learned WAY more from the bad stuff that’s happened to me. This is why I still can’t thank my ex-girlfriend enough for everything she’s done. Even though things didn’t end the way I would have wanted it to and we’ll probably never talk again, I owe every bit of my success (personal and professional) to her and I will always love her for the person she is (and now she’ll never really know it). All of the girls I’ve dated in the last year and a half have been way too young, way too willing, and way too immature to help me in any way and I’m done with that (I hope).
So there it is. Too much to read and still not enough content to hold someone’s interest. Still, I think I’m heading in the right direction. Learn from the past, enjoy the present, and the future will be nothing but bright. Good luck to us all…